I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
