was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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