I am spending my child support on dildos
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
