they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
