im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize