Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
