You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
