my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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