Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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