Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
