Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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