Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
