It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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