hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
