I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
