i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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