I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
