Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
