if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
