margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
