omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
