Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Randomize
