if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
