hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
