this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
