What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
