I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
