Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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