your room smells of hookers.
And success
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
