I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
