Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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