can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
