yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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