omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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