obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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