woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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