as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
