whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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