omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
