I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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