I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
