just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Everyone says I win the strip club
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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