Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This house was built for laser tag.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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