omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
