The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
