i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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