I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
