Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
