one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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