A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
